Favorite Mini-Reviews

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ShogunRua
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by ShogunRua »

Not sure whether I have ever posted this outstanding review by jmarksthespot about 2001: A Space Odyssey;

Criticker drinking game: Go through the reviews for 2001 and take 1 drink every time you read the word "visual", "beautiful", "cinematic", or "experience"; take a shot for every "masterpiece"; and chug your beer for every score of 100. You'll be hammered in ten minutes and have a hell of a lot more fun than watching this trash.

Pickpocket
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by Pickpocket »

This is probably my all time favorite one I don't know why:

Okkervil on An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
"I'm seriel"

hellboy76
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by hellboy76 »

ShogunRua wrote:Not sure whether I have ever posted this outstanding review by jmarksthespot about 2001: A Space Odyssey;

Criticker drinking game: Go through the reviews for 2001 and take 1 drink every time you read the word "visual", "beautiful", "cinematic", or "experience"; take a shot for every "masterpiece"; and chug your beer for every score of 100. You'll be hammered in ten minutes and have a hell of a lot more fun than watching this trash.



God dammit. :lol:

frederic_g54
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by frederic_g54 »

The Breakfast Club (1985)

BillyShears wrote:Last night, all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30, at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy, the Goth chick from the Breakfast Club, was bowling in the lane next to us, and we asked her for her autograph, but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her out to her car, but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45.


WTF did I just read?

dunbar
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by dunbar »

I appreciated that one, frederic.

It's from a South Park episode. The Toilet Paper episode. I always thought that was a cracking piece of randomness. The boys are formulating an alibi to explain their whereabouts so they don't get caught for toilet papering their art teachers house. Here's the full quote (which I guess didn't fit):

Okay. Last night, all four of us were at the bowling alley until about 7:30, at which time we noticed Ally Sheedy, the Goth chick from the Breakfast Club, was bowling in the lane next to us, and we asked her for her autograph, but she didn't have a pen, so we followed her out to her car, but on the way we were accosted by five Scientologists who wanted to give us all personality tests, which were administered at the Scientology Center in Denver until 10:45, at which time we accidentally boarded the wrong bus home and ended up in Rancho de Fritas Rojos, south of Castle Rock, and finally got a ride home with a man who was missing his left index finger, named Gary Bushwell, arriving home at 11:46.

frederic_g54
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by frederic_g54 »

That was a rhetorical question, but thanks for clearing that up anyway :lol:

dunbar
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by dunbar »

:( What else am I supposed to do with my years of watching South Park?

BillyShears
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by BillyShears »

IT DIDNT FIT :(

Bojangles
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by Bojangles »

This one has been making me laugh:

sproost wrote:Any music supervisor that still uses the Junkie XL Elvis "Little less conversation" song in movies in 2016 needs to take a serious, deep, long look in the mirror and ask themselves the question if music supervision is really the job that brings out their qualities.


edit: forgot to mention that that's a review of Passengers

TheDenizen
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Re: Favorite Mini-Reviews

Post by TheDenizen »

resurrecting this ancient thread to share some recent gems:

begoniabol on Killing American Style: "Men with mullets, men with a true sense of fashion, men who know how to FIGHT and aquire guns with endless bullets. Simple story, great start but has bad pacing issues. Gets a bit boring after a while, but that doesn't matter because MULLETS AND FASHION."

Kojiless on Occupation: "Imagine, if you will, being pounded in the butt (Chuck Tingle-style) by the 80s classic invasion flick Red Dawn while drunk on Fosters Light Ice that was served to you by an armor-clad alien with a snazzy cape. If the prospect of such an endeavor positively tingles your chuck, then...Occupation is still not worth your time or bandwidth."

BillyShears on Nightmare: "The babysitter confuses a 6 foot tall killer with the small child she’s babysitting as he lurches toward her with a hammer. Lady if he hits you in the head I don’t think anything will happen."

Barthalen on The Gate: "Dear Timecop, I know I haven't written to you in many years, but what can ya do. Sooo, when you go on your next mission to kill bad people in the beforetimes, could you pick up a copy of this and hand it to my 12-year old self? He'd really appreciate it since it's one of those movies that's just a tad too scary for kids, which makes them exactly the right ones to see as a kid. Cheers!"

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