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Criticker Newbie - 2 Game Ratings

Member Since: Jul 31, 2011

Location: Reading, Berkshire, UK

Age: 56

Gender: Male


A failure on almost every level, I spend my hours digging gardens, mindlessly delivering delivery vans and trying to keep The Man at bay, who's presently disguised as the local JobCentre. At other times I listen to music, watch films, play games and go to mostly punk and ska gigs, to try and hide the fact that I've got no friends. When I'm not busy doing nothing, I make up (and continually update with great and exciting news) fictitious people on Facebook, just so I can then Friend them and it looks like I hang out with the coolest people on the planet. I also keep a blog somewhere that I use to moan about things a lot. I live in a place I call Cactus World. Cactus World is an ill thought-out but complex, pan-dimensional concept, fuelled by a mixture of decent cider (and more recently Guinness, now it's become vegan), movies, games and music, which encapsulates the sneaking suspicion that basically I'm a talentless nobody who's living as a parasitic observer of life rather than a participant in it.

On a more technical note, I'm on a mission to write up to 600 characters of mostly irrelevant, uninteresting and unamusing rubbish about each film I own as I watch it, with a special (management speak alert) laser-like focus, on cats, chainsaws, decapitations and general badassness. (You know what I mean, the sort of low grade, background noise that the Internet allows people with no talent, understanding or considered thoughts to generate). I imagine this probably infuriates many real movie buffs who take these things seriously and actually know something about their interest; but please, just try and roll with it.

However, it does seem that some people are just as clueless as me and at times (probably accidentally) press the 'star' button by what I've written. To these people I say thank you for giving my life meaning, substance and direction, plus the courage and fortitude to sit through some pretty terrible films all the way to the end, just so I can then share this pain with others here.

more Recent Ratings
Check out SpikyCactus's...
85 % Star Trek: Elite Force II (2003) - Dec 06, 2018
"Top badass moment? Finally getting a snog with Telsia. I liked her more than Kleeya, the bikini babe scientist. Yes love, that’s such a practical outfit to wear when you’re fighting Exomorphs. And Korban really needs to get out of the armoury occasionally. The guy's always in there; it's not normal, even for a Klingon. I found Picard’s gushing complements at the end a bit hard to take too. I think he’d been in the Ready Room, sampling his wine again. No cats, chainsaws or decapitations."
80 % Star Trek: Voyager – Elite Force (2000) - Oct 23, 2018
"Top badass moment? Never mind all the shooting and stuff, the Vorsoth are clearly a race that tries to talk its enemies to death by spouting endless propaganda to depress them. By the time I killed the Vohrsoth Leader I really was starting to believe that I’m just a puny and insignificant human. I guess that’s the trouble with alien scum, it just doesn’t know its place. At least I impressed Telsia, not that it seemed to get me anywhere with her. No cats, chainsaws or decapitations."